Thursday, September 8, 2011

The Book of Guy: How to be a 20h Century Man in the Metrosexual 21st Century

That the working title of this book I've had in my head (and scattered throughout various notebooks) for a while, now. The idea is to create a primer for how to actually act like a man, even though you're a member of Generation Y or Generation Next, or even Generation 9/11. Whatever your generational buzzword tag is, let me assure you that as a member of Generation X, we were the last generation to even get a glimpse of what it meant to be a man. And even then, we kinda blew it. Our big war was the first Gulf War--you know, the one that lasted 19 days? But that didn't keep us from going, and more than a few of my generation made the trip with visions of John Wayne and Steve McQueen in their heads. If the generation right under me went to war, do you know who would be playing in their heads--if anyone? Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer. Yeah, from Top Gun. The Volleyball scene. The one loaded with ironic subtext. You can't work up a war face thinking about Tom Cruise on a motorcyle, while Berlin is playing on the soundtrack. Come on! It's ridiculous to even consider.

This book will be divided up into sections, covering all areas and times of a modern man's life. Things like Becoming a Man, Being a man at work, Being a man in a Relationship, Being a man and a Father, and so on and so forth. There will also be a chapter that is aimed at the women who will need or want to train up their man, getting him in touch with his more basic self.

Let me tell you why I'm doing this: these kids today, with their Ibuds and blu-phones and their lightning texting skills, have plugged into their own self-generated world of video games, free internet porn, and clever Leet acronyms. In doing so, they have disengaged their eyes and ears in a blatent attempt at willful schitzophrenization. Well, the problem with that is simple: Men learn from other men, by watching and listening. It's the primary mode by which we accept information. By plugging into their virtual worlds, today's teens and twentysomethings have tuned out, and they are missing vital man-stuff.

I'll be blogging pieces and parts of this as I go. One thing you can expect to see is a real blast from the past: my thoughts on Man-Food. This will be expanded greatly, but longtime readers will remember the "Aw, Yeah" moment of having that which we all intuitively happened upon defined in such a way as to be able to explain it to our uncaring wives and girlfriends. That's the kind of knowledge I'm bringing.

Once the book is done, I'll shop it and hopefully sell it. After that, I'll set up a specific Tweet-feed to promote it. Then I'll get invited to the Colbert Report to hawk the book, and we'll become best friends.

This is my plan. Get on board now, people, so that you can say you knew me when.


John D. said...

I'd read that. Not that I'd need to, of course. Right? Right?!

Mark Finn said...

*RIGHT* grunt, snort.

Tex said...

And you get R. Lee Ermey to write the introduction.

(and when we've read it, we'll have to drop and give him 25)