1. The misuse and over-application of the word “trope.”
2. The misuse and over-application of the concept of a “plot hole.”
3. Deeply unqualified people telling me why the movie sucked.
3. Deeply unqualified people telling me why the movie sucked.
4. Catastrophically angry people excoriating directors,
producers, and writers for not doing enough.
5. Eagle-eyed detail-oriented people ticking off all
of the mistakes a movie made, implying that the film would otherwise be a
cinematic gem if X hadn’t gotten in the shot or if the scrambled eggs didn’t
stop moving around on the plate in that one scene.
There’s an old saying that Too Many Cooks Spoil the Broth. Well, movies are a
collaborative effort between the actors and around seventy or eighty cooks.
Mistakes get made. Movies aren’t a perfect story-telling medium and never have
been. What they can do, they do very well, and more effortlessly than ever
these days, thanks to ginormous budgets and super sophisticated computers. But “perfect”
or “nearly perfect” movies are so rare, and I can’t think of a single one made after
2001.
Websites like CinemaSins, TVTropes, and the “Goofs” section
of IMDB, the comments section on every single YouTube video ever, the bloggers
who are so ignorant and obtuse who write click-bait headlines and get their articles
passed around with inane comments attached to every iteration—hell, even respected
writers from legitimate newspapers who do the same thing…it’s all formed a
culture of toxic meta-criticism where people are more interested in gleefully
shredding than in making cogent observations.
Of course, this isn’t anything new. Here’s a Simpsons clip
from 1997, which for some people will be akin to When Dinosaurs Roamed
the Earth.
The thing is this; over time, and with the sheer weight of
repetition, in general, movie making has improved dramatically over the years.
As tools have developed, and as practices have evolved, movies look better,
sound better, are better acted and directed, and offer more to the audience. Even
movies that you may hate for one reason or another still look like better
movies than the ones you hated in the 1980s or 1990s. We no longer get Robot Monster, though we do sometimes get Plan 9 From Outer Space; however, I contend that those movies (mostly) don't show up in cinemas, but rather on SciFi, Netflix, and the like. Even movies that are universally considered bad are proficient enough to look, sound, and feel like better films, and that may be why they are doubly-damned. You spent all of that money on space ship design but you couldn't get a script that makes sense?
I think a lot of modern criticism is simply counting digital
coup for the sake of negging. It makes a person seem edgy or provocative or
even astute by ticking off all of the things the movie got wrong, or why that
particular plot line is bullshit, or how the whole genre has become tired and
needs a break. This is doubly damning because there are a few times that such
criticisms are valid. Romantic Comedies DO need to be re-invented; they have hit
a same-ness bordering on the near-universal, and all of the above critical
devices are excellent ways to point this out.
But using such precise tools on giant spectacular blockbuster
movies to take them apart and “analyze” them by cataloging their myriad faults
does no one any good. If you have points to make, that’s okay. I’d much rather
listen to someone with a degree in film studies or writing and storytelling experience
talk to me about the efficacy of how a story was developed, or why this worked
or didn’t work. And a bean counter in a basement, producing a ledger sheet
listing all of the movie’s failures under an arbitrary set of criteria ain’t
helpful.
And before you hit reply, let me state this very clearly: Fans,
have at it. Go nuts. This isn’t about you. If you watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine and were mad because you didn’t get a wise-cracking
Deadpool in the movie, let your voice be heard. I have had, very publicly,
strong opinions about Emmerich and Devlin’s Godzilla
movie, about Shumacher’s Batman and Robin,
about the Doc Savage movie, about Flash Gordon, Reign of Fire, The Phantom
Menace, and many others. This isn’t about waiting anxiously for something
that you expect to love and are subsequently disappointed in. I’m talking about
destruction for the sake of keeping your hipster cred, or bolstering your
status, or simply pissing on everyone else.
If you’re going to wax intellectual (or passionate, or erudite, or what have you), I have a few tips that will help you, and also the rest of us, from early onset heart disease and brain aneurysms. You are under no obligation to follow these guidelines, but I really wish you would.
1. Define your criteria going in
If you’re going to wax intellectual (or passionate, or erudite, or what have you), I have a few tips that will help you, and also the rest of us, from early onset heart disease and brain aneurysms. You are under no obligation to follow these guidelines, but I really wish you would.
1. Define your criteria going in
Tell me you’re going to catalog all of the technical errors,
and stick to that criteria. If the cigarette keeps changing lengths in one scene,
so much so that it pulls focus, that’s legit. “And another thing, Bogey’s
character would never say…” is NOT legit. If you’re critiquing from a writing
standpoint, hit me up, yo. But you’d better know your shit.
2. Stay in your weight class
Stop misusing the word “trope.” That’s a literary term that
got appropriated by TVtropes.com and has since morphed into a catch-all for a
half-dozen dissimilar things. Stop using technical and academic jargon if you
don’t understand it, and especially if you’re not writing for film geeks and film
rhetoric classes. It’s possible to over-think a movie, and it’s inevitable that
you can view it through a specific lens that speaks to a narrow point of view
and find most movies wanting.
3. Consider the intention of what you’re critiquing
Not all movies are Citizen Kane, and aren’t trying to be.
Not all movies are Jurassic Park and aren’t trying to be. The reasons why
people make movies has everything to do with the story they are trying to tell.
That may not be a story you want to experience, and that’s fine, as long as you
realize that. However, being promised one kind of story and being given another
is a separate issue. Know the difference.
4. If you’re serious about being a critic, read criticism
At least figure out how and why other people are writing what
they write. It helps if you have a specific point of view. In fact, that
consistency makes you a better critic; if I know that you are ashamed of being
a geek and routinely diss all science fiction movies, I know that I can add 1
star to your review scale whenever you go to a pew-pew movie. That’s helpful to
me, especially if you are otherwise consistent with your criticism. Two of my
favorite film critics, Roger Ebert and Marc Savlov, had specific weak spots in
their criteria and I looked to them constantly for feedback, especially on the
movies I wanted to see.
5. If all else fails, be like Joe Bob Briggs
That’s kind of impossible, because not only was Joe Bob an
entertaining writer in his character of “the
drive-in movie critic of Grapevine, Texas” but he also has a deep, deep knowledge
of cinema and the history of films and is capable of seeing trends and patterns
and drawing conclusions based on that deep, deep knowledge. His books of criticism
and his lectures are not to be missed if you’re a serious fan of the movies.
Now, we can’t all be like Joe Bob, because there’s only one Joe Bob, but if you
read some of his drive-in movie reviews, you’ll undoubtedly see what I’m talking
about. He pre-supposed that the Internet would become a snarky, sarcastic space
long before anyone knew what the Internet was. Tone and point-of-view can make
even a bad review worth reading. If your goal is nothing more than eyeballs and
clicks, well, there’s a right way and a wrong way to do even that.